You Think You Know About Millennial Dating – Benching, Ghosting, Gaslighting and “Gatsbying”, But You Really Don’t!

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Won’t this impact our dating behaviors? If we only broadcast the “look at me”, are we able to deal with the side of rejection, detachment, and non-commitment? Are you surprised when people blow you off or lead you on aka ghost, bench, gaslight or breadcrumb? Yet another paradox. Here we are thinking the world is a positive and reinforcing place, that we are interesting, we’re so popular; that is why we get ghosted, breadcrumbed and benched.

Benching and ghosting are the most innocent cruel intentions of young generation.

Benching is when you start dating someone you think is nice and who has potential, but you’re not crazy about them. You don’t know whether to keep dating them, or dump them and move on to the next one… so instead of going for either of the above polarized options, you put [the person] in your mental ‘maybe’ folder and ‘bench them’ so you date around to see what else is out there.” In essence, benching is the emotional manipulation of people into staying interested in you.

“Ghosting” — a term made in 2014 to identify a way relationships are broken off. In order to be ghosted, for instance, it means somebody at least initially seen you appealing enough to speak to you with adoration, and eventually dismisses like you never existed and knew each other.

If feelings or conditions change and we need to be done with a relationship, we should only tell it. We should never, always ghost another human being and vanish without the explanation. Also, benching is incorrect; we don’t want to hold somebody about as our consolation prize when we’re not actually that concerned. There’s no need to make it any more complicated with game playing. I’m a big fan of smashing all those rules.

Gaslighting can be used by professionals. Very damaging. Do not repeat by yourself.

The psychological term “Gaslighting” comes from a 1944 Hollywood classic movie called Gaslight. Gaslighting describes the abuse employed by a narcissist to instil in their victim’s mind, an extreme anxiety and confusion to the extent where they no longer have faith in their own powers of logic, reason and judgement. These gaslighting techniques were adopted by central intelligence agencies in the US and Europe as part of their psychological warfare methods, used primarily during torture or interrogation.

​Gaslighting involves trying to re-write someone’s reality. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight in which a woman is manipulated by her husband into questioning her own sanity through tactics including him causing the gaslights in the house to dim and flicker, and then denying that there is anything happening. In real life, this type of abuse can take the form of someone insisting that they have a clearer picture of another person’s internal thoughts and emotions than the person does themselves and trying to get the other person to accede to that externally-imposed narrative about themselves.

One of the primary goals for those who are attempting to control media is to subvert the world’s thought. It’s called gaslighting. Do you believe what is real? One of the best ways to gaslight this world is to troll the media. By taking this news media to be pulled into negating shapes, they will rely on this fact that people who distrust the media frequently react by self-investigating. This is the force of the boomerang effect. And it gets a story. After all, the CDC saw that the more news media contradicted this link between autism and vaccination, the more that public thought there was something tangible there.

The book “Gaslight Effect” relates to a type of gaslighting called glamour gaslighting. This is where The gaslighter showers you with limited care, but never really makes you what you want. They set you on a pedestal, but so they are not there, in fact they may get angry at you, when you take a shoulder to scream on. It gets hard, after a while, to discover why it is that you find so alone and empty. In another type of gaslighting, the gaslighter is constantly transformed into the victim. Whenever you get up a job, you get yourself apologizing by the end of the conversation. For me, these were the biggest exchanges. Every gaslighter/gaslightee relationship is different, but for me, there was a really specific pattern.

“Gatsbying”. No Comments.

You know how in “The Great Gatsby,” Jay Gatsby transforms himself from a working-class Midwesterner into a debonair bachelor, throwing lavish parties to win over a woman out of his league?
“Gatsbying” is the name of the latest silly dating trend, wherein — like Gatsby — pretty young things put on a show to get their crush’s attention.
Just one difference: Instead of buying a mansion, remaking themselves and throwing a fancy, wild fete, they just post a photo or video on their Instagram or Snapchat Story, designed to attract that special someone. a “Gatsby” post means to attract one hard-to-get person (boy or girl).
“Why, instead of just sending a text to the boy that I like, am I throwing the equivalent of a champagne-soaked, chandelier-swinging, Charleston-dancing party on my Instagram story?” she writes. “All for that ceaseless green light across the water that is the attention of a boy who, let’s be real, probably isn’t good enough for me anyway?”

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References:

Stay Woke: What ‘benching’ means and how it affects your dating life

‘Gatsbying’ is the confusing new millennial dating trend

 The Routledge Dictionary of Modern American Slang and Unconventional English. pp. 122,123,327. ISBN 9780415371827

Tracy Swartz (April 24, 2008). “Talk of the town”. Chicago Redeye (Tribune Co.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad_(slang)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot_(slang)