“I know how to behave with men. I know all the tricks and tips of being attractive. I feel them intuitively: how to look at them or how to remove a strand of hair from my face. ” Remember the song: “Ladies with an attitude! Don’t just stand there! Let’s get to it! Strike the pose, there is nothing to it… Vogue! ” Going back to our lady with an attitude… “I know that men are required to be praised, they like compliments. I know that they need to be fed. I can do it all! But why doesn’t it work? Why they disappear and never commit to a serious relationship? I’m doing everything right! What’s wrong with me? ”. Does it sound familiar??
This is a standardized cry of the soul, which I heard from many women of different ages. And the question “what is wrong with whom? ” Is puzzling them not only at the beginning of relationships, but also when they gave this man a good chunk of their life – when lived together for a year, three or ten years. The problem is still the same! What happens to women under those conditions?
They become completely disappointed in men and start calling them using traditional bad words. Nevertheless, deep down women still inclined to think that something is wrong with them. How can they make it right? One way is to give up on them! They are tired. They have had enough.
But some women enthusiastically haven’t given up their path to happiness – they read special literature, visit specialists, participate in exclusive training and programs, listen to video lectures, practice ancient rituals, while maintaining cover girl look. And, of course, they always want to apply everything they have learned, understood and experienced again “in the field”.
While a woman is busy practicing her skills of “communicating with men,” there are no doubts that this time she will be smarter, this time she can see right through him. I will learn to be passive, feminine, learn to follow a man, learn to be sexy, learn to tell him compliments, learn how to ask him, learn to be a bitch, learn… “learn” because I must lack something…
But I want to ask a question: “Why are you learning all of this??” And most give a vague answer: “What do you mean why? I want to attract a good man in my life”. If I ask you: “Why do you need a man in your life? ”. Be careful, your answer can qualify you for being a child type and prone to be in dependent relationships (according to modern psychoanalysis). They will tell you a story about how you are trying to compensate for lack of Love and acceptance and how morally wrong it is. They will teach you how to go back to your natural independent state of eternal loneliness. Seriously! They will mock and ridicule you for having such intentions! And what are they: having woman’s happiness!
Dependent type. Characteristics of disorder.
Dependence is pathology, lack of willpower, low self esteem. It is indecent behavior rejected by men (turn off). The root cause of dependent relationships is the desire to receive care, love, attention, which the dependent has not received from the mother or father. He walks with an unconscious thought “Who will love me? Maybe you?..” Such a person cannot love himself, that is why he is looking for love. “dose” of acceptance from others. However, he needs to earn it.
Suddenly a man appears in her life and expresses the interest to the dependent, who, of course, immediately “hooked”. “Maybe he will fall in love? He is such a…” Further, the dependent idealizes the object of his dependence, thinks about him and imagines a relationship with him. The object just made a compliment to you, and the dependent already mentally build a family with him. But … this will never happen in reality, because often the object is selected according to the type of unavailability, as the main criteria of dependence.
The dependent begins to take an interest in the same thing as the object of dependence, while losing his true identity. The dependent often tries to be where the object is “accidentally”. The very thought to be dependent on an object is not pleasant to him, he wants to feel free, instead he feels “like a dog running after his master. ” Attempts to shed light on the dependence lead to aggression. After such outbreak, the dependent experience guilt and again goes to the object to apologize and stay with him. Aggression enables the dependent to show his true emotions, so the psyche revolts against imprisonment, because true, really dependent is not who he is in dependent relationships.
Co-dependent relationships are the ones in which the main value and meaning of life is the relationships with significant other. They are characterized by emotional, physical or material dependence on a partner, excessive immersion in his life and the desire to keep making him happy. People who are inclined to build a codependent relationship have such characteristics:
– inability to break off relations, even if they bring very strong discomfort;
– intolerance of loneliness – a feeling of emptiness in private with yourself, you necessarily need another to feel the “need”;
– … and at the same time the inability to build long-term harmonious relations;
– low self esteem;
– propensity to idealize and depreciate;
– obsessive need to perform certain actions in relation to other people (to patronize, control, suppress, reproach, criticize, blame, etc.);
– do not realize their zone of responsibility – either they shift responsibility for their lives to another person, or consider himself (herself) responsible for everyone;
– the need for approval, praise, dependence of one’s self-worth on the opinions of others;
– difficulties with understanding their own and others’ borders – a person either does not feel his borders, merges with others, does not realize his desires, or, on in contrast – his borders are very rigid, inclined to ignore the boundaries of others, does not understand what a compromise is (the word ” no “for him is tantamount to insult);
– difficulties with assertive behavior – tend to suppress his own desires or overly aggressive advocacy of his interests;
– is more often in the ego state of the Child or parent than the adult. Very often loves is confused with codependence. “I cannot live without you”, “We are one”, “I am you, you are me”, “There will not be you – there will be no me” – under this motto, we are presented with love in films, songs, novels. Even fairy tales have the idea of love as a happy feeling when the significant other is present and honor your significance as well.
Being a woman in modern society is a pathology.
Bingo! Who do you believe that they were describing above? Straight man? Gay Man? Orphan Child? Sheep? Who do you think suffer from such disorder the most? WOMEN! And the dependent personality disorder correctly describes NATURE OF A WOMAN. We already learned in my very first articles that according to Vedic scriptures, women are like that – it's their nature! They are gullible like kids. That is why in traditional societies women are protected (which is also called “objectified”) from the manifestation of their dependent personality disorder by the father, by a husband and by the son.
And what do you think – men don’t know the true nature of women? Men has very little need for you. In other words, they don’t need you. They can get laid in contemporary society whenever they want. But your dependent personality…. Such a turn off for them. You have to pretend and play game showing him that you are just like him – cool, no drama, no strings and that you love sex as much he does. Dependence is a bad taste, and lead to break ups of “long-term relationships“. If you show small signs of dependence – he will dump you right away. You learned that men don’t like that in women. You don’t want that! Then what do you want?..
The problem is that official psychoanalysis views women as men. It teaches women how not to bother men too much with your dependent personality disorder. Have you noticed: it does not admit the fact that men can be complementary to women by nature, the fact that woman is fingers of this universe – she can touch the soul of the man, inspire him, make him truly great, give him special meaning of life. It does not admit the fact that there can be such a thing as mutual codependence: not when he treats her as his needy, nagging girlfriend he cannot commit. It is when he respects her, accepts her with her dependance syndrome and having the blast. Have they originally anticipated that? But they say it is only in movies and fairy tails. Is it even possible in modern society?…
According to psychoanalysis, woman is a malignant tumor which feeds of love and spreads the love. She always wants to give love and be loved. It is the real nature of women! What is wrong with that? And, of course, we feel abandoned, betrayed and fooled when we find out that our love is not needed, not appreciated, not recognized and more over considered as a disorder.
Modern Society is a society of pseudo men.
Men don't have emotional dependence. They don’t need us! They have sexual dependence only. Imagine the world where all women collectively realized their high value and power, by awakening their inner goddess spirit. We would turn the world around. Men would become responsible and respectful. No woman would be wandering around just trying to earn love, being abused and ridiculed for who they are. So far we’ve got the world of pseudo man.
Traditional psychoanalysis portrays women outright – how dysfunctional they are, aka pathology. It is pathology to be a woman! How do you like that? They do not see a pathology in men when he is an object who “was chosen” by a needy, but absolutely unavailable – it is the quintessential part of such relationships. And men!!! Oh dear, men!!! I will pray for their souls!!! They are so shrewd: they know this game! They played women many times and they are winning. It is a manifestation of demoralization and degradation of society. Dependent type is not pathology or shame. The actual pathology is irresponsible, pleasure seeking modern men. They maintain the status quo.
That is why it is important to understand your own and the man’s nature not with the help of psychoanalysis, but with the help of ancient knowledge – Vedic scriptures. It is the enlightenment and empowerment, while the official approach is ignorance and path to the darkness. Your choice…After viewing the problem from such a peculiar angle, I hope a lot of questions began to wander in your head: The fact that I want to be married to a good man is my genuine existential need? Or is it a tribute to the habits and stereotypes of society? Maybe I am indeed defective and flawed, because I do not have a man? Or I feel defective without the man? And if this is the case, why should I tie my sense of well-being to a man, to his presence or absence.
Stay tuned… I will continue my investigation.